emotions from the apex (14)

theapexofmyheart:

as always. i only seem to post to this thing when i’m feeling in the dumps. 

i’m not totally sad, i’m kinda feeling “meh” about everything.

school’s ok. the drive to school doesn’t piss me off as much as it used to. i need to buckle down. tests are starting soon. i need a job. but i’m not looking. motivation. 

as usual there are boy problems. this boy that i like. that boy that i like. it’s a big mess. trying to be a bump on a log and not feel anything about anyone is proving harder than i want it to be. off the radar of life is where i need/want to be.

i’m sort of afraid to be in a relationship. i have this fear that i wont be up to par. its not so much like i don’t feel good enough. but more like, i don’t feel ready. everything intimidates me. dating. holding hands, kissing, cuddling, sex. anything beyond friendship. it just seems like this brick wall that’s too big for me to hop over. blegh. i need a guy that will be able to take things slow. start super small then work my way up. i feel like guys my age just want to POW POW POW and right now that’s just not me. 

i need to take my own advice and breathe.

b r e a t h e .

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i really hate posting things from my personal tumblr to my regular tumblr, but whatever. that’s life.